Why are there so few good men in the world? Why does it seem that there are so many men that use, violate, subordinate, and abuse women and girls? Why can't women and girls stand up for themselves and ban together without fear?
This week in my life seems to have a common theme: Rape and abuse
I found out that two girls absolutely hate when the blinds in a house get closed... because that was the sign when their father would brutally rape them. I found out the youngest used to offer herself when the sister was called upon to go into the bedroom.
I found out a high school exchange student from Korea was raped by her host family's son, put in CPS care and then shipped back home to Korea without any type of therapy.
I found out a girl thought it was normal to perform sexual acts with her father because it had been happening her entire life. That he would fondle her in front of her mother and the mother would do nothing about it. That the father treated her like his girlfriend until she finally asked her band teacher if that was a normal thing to do.
My friend told me there was a man yelling in the streets at a "Take Back the Night" rally. He was yelling that he had raped someone and that there needed to be a space for him to talk... as if his heavy heart was more important to expose than all of the women that he triggered over and over.
I look through my teens' files and so many of their admitting reasons for placement has been sexual abuse or alleged sexual abuse.
My staff was assaulted by her fiance and couldn't come to work because of the bruise on her face.
Men. All these perpetrators were men. Selfish, sick, abusive, controlling, manipulative, secretive... did any of these girls ask for it? Does rape seem different now that they are minors? Is rape more meaningful when it is perpetrated by a parent to a child? This makes me angry. And sad, so very sad... our youth are being affected at such a tender age...
Men who force themselves upon a girl impact her entire life: trust, friendships, relationships, school, self-esteem, sexuality, daily routines...If that is not the most ultimate form of control, I don't know what is. Rape is not something you forget. As a woman the thought of rape is always with you. Is the man along the street a friendly stranger or a potential rapist? If I go on a date is the man going to woo me and rape me, or be a future partner? What would I do if this man tried to rape me? Would I fight back or just let it happen? Would I pretend to go along with it and take the control back by physically hurting him once he is lost in pleasure? Would I scream or would anyone notice? Would anyone stand up for me? Would someone think I was "asking for it?" What would I do with my life afterwards....
So many questions I have as a woman and they circle around this very topic. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND BOUNDARIES OR BODILY RIGHTS?
How do so many people get off from abusing their children, from participating in an unwilling act? Our society is ridden with sick ideas and even sicker behaviors. I blame media. Media enrages me. I am so ANNOYED with media's stupid marketing tactics: Sexualizing, degrading, controlling, contorting, objectifying women and their bodies. Do these media conglomerates not understand HOW THEIR MESSAGES AFFECT REAL PEOPLE?! I AM PISSED. Stop making it okay for a man to "rape" a woman in your ads. Stop making it look "fun" to get raped or gang banged. Stop glamourizing sex. Stop making it look okay for a much older man to control and use a younger woman for sexual favors. Stop making women look like the only way they will get attention is if they are sluttily dressed yet say it is a woman's fault that she looked that way and it was her "asking to be raped." SO MANY DOUBLE STANDARDS.
I am done. So done with this stupid society and its misogynistic messages and acts. My goal is to spread feminism and womanism and critical analysis. To spread knowledge about the ridiculous double standards culture adheres to. To REBEL in this woman-hating, rape culture we live in. TO SPEAK UP FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN VIOLATED AND TELL THEIR STORIES SO RAPE IS NOT JUST A THING THAT HAPPENS IN THE PRIVATE SPHERE. This topic is real. I want to talk about it. I want you to address it. I am tired of rape and abuse being silenced and swept under the rug, It is happening much too often and to too many people. It is the norm, which is complete B.S. We shouldn't have to live in a society where our rights are violated on a constant basis. Stand up and make a change.
...end of rant. (for now)...
Friday, April 26, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
#selenagomez #whenyourereadycomeandgetit
I just heard this song on the radio... And I am immediately repulsed despite the catchy beat. I so have a bias against Disney wannabe pop stars like Selena. However, I think the bigger problem is the message this craptastic song sends to our youth.
When you're ready come and get it. Gross. More like, when you and I are both ready and make an adult decision that is consensual we can move to the next level. I think that's too many words and not catchy enough for our 21st century teenybopper "artists."
What our precious Selena Gomez forgets is that our culture grows up in a society that thinks it's okay to rape. And it makes women the victims while men are never seen as aggressors. Women are also portrayed as the sexual possessions of men. This song also perpetuates the idea that women are always ready to have sex with men and that whenever men "want it" they can go and have their sexual desires fulfilled by any woman available.
That is how rape happens. Society doesn't understand the limits of having individual spaces. Of having personal areas that should not be invaded by others. What this song should be preaching is when you're ready come and ask me. And I'll let you know if I am ready.
When you're ready come and get it. Gross. More like, when you and I are both ready and make an adult decision that is consensual we can move to the next level. I think that's too many words and not catchy enough for our 21st century teenybopper "artists."
What our precious Selena Gomez forgets is that our culture grows up in a society that thinks it's okay to rape. And it makes women the victims while men are never seen as aggressors. Women are also portrayed as the sexual possessions of men. This song also perpetuates the idea that women are always ready to have sex with men and that whenever men "want it" they can go and have their sexual desires fulfilled by any woman available.
That is how rape happens. Society doesn't understand the limits of having individual spaces. Of having personal areas that should not be invaded by others. What this song should be preaching is when you're ready come and ask me. And I'll let you know if I am ready.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
How to be a successful (female) supervisor (of other females)
I have a staff that is constantly seeing the silver lining in every incident.
It is very infectious I would have to say. That is why I have now made it my goal to do the same.
You would be surprised how easily someone can turn around their attitude and come up with a solution when you give them praise or suggest something positive to try instead. I know it has worked for me. I used to get uber stressed at work and fall into a spiral of negativity. "I hate my job, I want to quit, these kids are too much and aren't thankful for what we are providing them, my boss doesn't ever compliment my accomplishments" Oh my goodness... it was bad. And I refuse to perpetuate that kind of thinking now when I could so easily affect so many people's attitudes as a manager. Here are a few of my tactics:
Positivity and cohesion. I always use the plural pronoun when coming up with a solution: "We can do this! Lets make a call together." That makes it a team effort rather than just delegating the issue back to the person who came to you for advice in the first place.
However, sometimes it is helpful to put the solution back into the employees' hands: "Try and leave a message first and if they don't call back in XX hours I'll take the next step and contact the supervisor." Teamwork. That way it means you as a supervisor is invested in the problem and not just the outcome.
Teaching. I am a control freak and really like to just do things so I know they are 100%. Wrong... I found myself continuing to correct mistakes over and over again by doing that. It wastes time just correcting rather than teaching someone.
Be open. Open to questions, suggestions, criticism, and all other aspects of your job. Someone may just have a better idea that will help streamline things in the process.
Share your coveted organizational techniques. One of my staff is awesome at making spreadsheets, which she passes along to me, and I pass along to others. At least it is available even if nobody else thinks it is as brilliant as you do.
Be aware of people's strengths and how they communicate. I am a super direct person that doesn't really have time for fluff. I used to send emails and texts saying: "I need XX document by 3pm thanks." It worked for me. But not for others. My staff thought I was rude and authoritative. Oops... I let my staff know that is how I communicate but that I would try to do a better job about my wordage, especially in texts. Face to face communication is easy because others can read your emotions, nonverbals, and voice tones. Texting is awful but super convenient. Be aware of how monotone it is. I tell my employees to read my texts in my smiling, silly, sometimes sing-songy voice. It works. I also add smiley faces even though it seems unprofessional... I am younger than all my staff so it helps them feel less threatened. Feel out your relationships with your employees to see what works.
Now all of these techniques are just suggestions. They are all very situational seeing that I am younger than all my employees, am female, and am managing all females. These techniques work better because I have invested time in my employees and learned about what they need to succeed. Some need that time to vent about their position, some need someone to listen about their family life, some need to be congratulated for small accomplishments, some need their own space and to not be micromanaged, some need a lot of direction and checking in. It just depends on each individual.
I am open to suggestions and techniques that make YOU a successful manager!! Please leave a comment below :) (see, I used manners and a smiley face to encourage you!)
It is very infectious I would have to say. That is why I have now made it my goal to do the same.
You would be surprised how easily someone can turn around their attitude and come up with a solution when you give them praise or suggest something positive to try instead. I know it has worked for me. I used to get uber stressed at work and fall into a spiral of negativity. "I hate my job, I want to quit, these kids are too much and aren't thankful for what we are providing them, my boss doesn't ever compliment my accomplishments" Oh my goodness... it was bad. And I refuse to perpetuate that kind of thinking now when I could so easily affect so many people's attitudes as a manager. Here are a few of my tactics:
Positivity and cohesion. I always use the plural pronoun when coming up with a solution: "We can do this! Lets make a call together." That makes it a team effort rather than just delegating the issue back to the person who came to you for advice in the first place.
However, sometimes it is helpful to put the solution back into the employees' hands: "Try and leave a message first and if they don't call back in XX hours I'll take the next step and contact the supervisor." Teamwork. That way it means you as a supervisor is invested in the problem and not just the outcome.
Teaching. I am a control freak and really like to just do things so I know they are 100%. Wrong... I found myself continuing to correct mistakes over and over again by doing that. It wastes time just correcting rather than teaching someone.
Be open. Open to questions, suggestions, criticism, and all other aspects of your job. Someone may just have a better idea that will help streamline things in the process.
Share your coveted organizational techniques. One of my staff is awesome at making spreadsheets, which she passes along to me, and I pass along to others. At least it is available even if nobody else thinks it is as brilliant as you do.
Be aware of people's strengths and how they communicate. I am a super direct person that doesn't really have time for fluff. I used to send emails and texts saying: "I need XX document by 3pm thanks." It worked for me. But not for others. My staff thought I was rude and authoritative. Oops... I let my staff know that is how I communicate but that I would try to do a better job about my wordage, especially in texts. Face to face communication is easy because others can read your emotions, nonverbals, and voice tones. Texting is awful but super convenient. Be aware of how monotone it is. I tell my employees to read my texts in my smiling, silly, sometimes sing-songy voice. It works. I also add smiley faces even though it seems unprofessional... I am younger than all my staff so it helps them feel less threatened. Feel out your relationships with your employees to see what works.
Now all of these techniques are just suggestions. They are all very situational seeing that I am younger than all my employees, am female, and am managing all females. These techniques work better because I have invested time in my employees and learned about what they need to succeed. Some need that time to vent about their position, some need someone to listen about their family life, some need to be congratulated for small accomplishments, some need their own space and to not be micromanaged, some need a lot of direction and checking in. It just depends on each individual.
I am open to suggestions and techniques that make YOU a successful manager!! Please leave a comment below :) (see, I used manners and a smiley face to encourage you!)
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Impact a Youth
My trip back to Iowa has been an interesting and spontaneous one. Thank goodness for flexible employers and people who are willing to pay for me to fly back just to speak for 20 minutes.
It seems as if I have explained my job description a million times on this trip. Each time I feel very happy about telling others about what I do. I have decided I will continue to attempt to change the minds of people who may have stereotypical ideas surrounding group homes and kids in foster care.
After telling people I work for an agency that has 30 group homes that each house 10-11 kids who range from ages 5 to 18, I always make sure to explain how they got into the system. Mostly due to their parents bad decisions or undesirable circumstances. I have ended each description with "the children I work with are great. They are just stuck in a bad spot and need all the help they can get."
And I truly believe that. These children have been neglected, abused, raped, you name it. And it is not their fault. They are put into these situations whether it be because of family, friends, or the system of poverty. I think about the lives that are so moldable at young ages... I think of the teenagers that need mentors to help them make the right decisions. I think of those who have grown up with drugs and prostitution and think of it as the norm.
I want these kids to have a fighting change. I want them to know that they can succeed. Sometimes I so badly want to share my entire story with them. That my dad is an alcoholic that verbally abused my mother. That they split up and I pretty much only had my mom. How my brother always told me to "go die" because he didn't know how to let out his anger and frustrations. How my mother was cheated on multiple times and always blamed by my paternal side of the family for "letting their marriage fail."
Yet I succeeded. I had one strong influence- my mother- who believed and pushed me. She mothered the way she did so that we could succeed. I can't be the children's mother, but I can be a mentor. I honestly believe that is the only way to cut through the cycle.
I think strongly about one LGBT youth that was in one of my houses. She messed up multiple times- having inappropriate relationships, drugs on site, and beating up others. Yet I continue to preach that I believe in her. The odds are stacked against her. Maybe I see her as a special case because I know her likelihood of being discriminated against is quite high... and the fact that LGBT youth have a much harder time being adopted or fostered.
Being that one person in somebody's life that says "you can do it!" and teaching rather than reprimanding in those crucial times of youth development may just make a big enough impact. And if not, at least you tried, at least you didn't give up on them, at least you saw the goodness in their soul, no matter how hard it was to remain positive.
I challenge the adults out there to look past stereotypes and uncover the true person behind their negative behaviors or choices. Trust in them... even if they break that trust... do it again... be that consistent person. Who knows, maybe that youth will surprise you. And take the advice, even if it is years later. I know I have... sometimes you just need that one person to BELIEVE in you.
It seems as if I have explained my job description a million times on this trip. Each time I feel very happy about telling others about what I do. I have decided I will continue to attempt to change the minds of people who may have stereotypical ideas surrounding group homes and kids in foster care.
After telling people I work for an agency that has 30 group homes that each house 10-11 kids who range from ages 5 to 18, I always make sure to explain how they got into the system. Mostly due to their parents bad decisions or undesirable circumstances. I have ended each description with "the children I work with are great. They are just stuck in a bad spot and need all the help they can get."
And I truly believe that. These children have been neglected, abused, raped, you name it. And it is not their fault. They are put into these situations whether it be because of family, friends, or the system of poverty. I think about the lives that are so moldable at young ages... I think of the teenagers that need mentors to help them make the right decisions. I think of those who have grown up with drugs and prostitution and think of it as the norm.
I want these kids to have a fighting change. I want them to know that they can succeed. Sometimes I so badly want to share my entire story with them. That my dad is an alcoholic that verbally abused my mother. That they split up and I pretty much only had my mom. How my brother always told me to "go die" because he didn't know how to let out his anger and frustrations. How my mother was cheated on multiple times and always blamed by my paternal side of the family for "letting their marriage fail."
Yet I succeeded. I had one strong influence- my mother- who believed and pushed me. She mothered the way she did so that we could succeed. I can't be the children's mother, but I can be a mentor. I honestly believe that is the only way to cut through the cycle.
I think strongly about one LGBT youth that was in one of my houses. She messed up multiple times- having inappropriate relationships, drugs on site, and beating up others. Yet I continue to preach that I believe in her. The odds are stacked against her. Maybe I see her as a special case because I know her likelihood of being discriminated against is quite high... and the fact that LGBT youth have a much harder time being adopted or fostered.
Being that one person in somebody's life that says "you can do it!" and teaching rather than reprimanding in those crucial times of youth development may just make a big enough impact. And if not, at least you tried, at least you didn't give up on them, at least you saw the goodness in their soul, no matter how hard it was to remain positive.
I challenge the adults out there to look past stereotypes and uncover the true person behind their negative behaviors or choices. Trust in them... even if they break that trust... do it again... be that consistent person. Who knows, maybe that youth will surprise you. And take the advice, even if it is years later. I know I have... sometimes you just need that one person to BELIEVE in you.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
#Stripper-Pole Dance Moves and #Body Image
Stripper-Pole Dance Moves!!!
"This is the new way to exercise your body, ladies! Join your fellow friends and come learn the art of how to work the pole. Please your man, revamp your sex life, feel sexy, and get a toned rear that looks great in your scandalous home-made stripper outfit!"
We have all heard of these fantastic new exercise groups...
Ok, so I have to admit that I have actually been thinking about joining a burlesque class. It is like sexy exercise wearing interesting, historically influenced clothing... er pasties! And it gives the women on stage a power through their choice to be seen in a sexual and tantalizing nature... which is refreshing since most of the time women are not choosing when they would like to be seen as sexual creatures. Anywho, part of my feminist self is still unsure with the voyeurism aspect of it. Yes, there is the power and control that comes with being seen on stage in a sexual nature, but part of it also reminds me of perpetuating the idea that women are sexual objects for men. Argh... sometimes I think too critically.
However, the topic of body image and stripper-moves continued to cross my mind yesterday while watching dance crews perform at Pride.
These ladies were spectacular. Look at those leather spandies!!!
They had sex appeal, abs, moves, flowing hair, hips, and sculpted thighs. It just confirmed the fact that I needed to join a sexy dance class.
They were powerful performers, entrapping the minds of the audience and arousing cheers from people of every sexuality.
Now, as you can see in the photos, these dancers were of every shape and size. AND THEY WORKED IT. They were confident and bold; they took control of the stage; they commanded the crowd's attention. It almost seemed as if their raw sexuality was what made them so dominant. I was surprised by how the large group made such a powerful impression.
Here was a group of racially/ethnically diverse women whose bodies have historically been used and abused from a patriarchal standpoint. But in this moment, it wasn't males who owned these women's bodies even though they were dancing seductively. It was the women themselves that showed they owned their sexuality and expressed it in an "unladylike" way. KUDOS dancers to your raw sexual, powerful moves. You make me want to follow your path and be able to exert myself in any manner I please, whether it be seen as offensive to some or voyeuristic by others. It is the fact that you OWN your body and you are CONFIDENT and you are doing it for YOU.
Pansexuality, Please
I attended Phoenix's PRIDE yesterday with much surprise and satisfaction. The events were simply amazing... so much talent to be viewed between drag queens, kings, dance crews, and other random performers on many stages. It was definitely comforting being surrounded by like-minded people in this seemingly conservative-oriented state.I went with my boyfriend Sam and our friend Caitlin. -->
Now, we were politely fascinating ourselves with the kings, queens, and dance crews and admiring their stunt-like performances......
........when a girl in front of us begins to become friendly. Now, that is totally fine and sometimes I wonder about people's sexuality as well; however, she came out and said, "Straight or Bi? to Caitlin and myself.
Yes, I give off the straight girl vibe... and maybe even the lipstick bisexual vibe... however; I really do wish people would ask what I choose to identify as rather than assuming these two identities. I replied to her and simply said, "No, Pan."
Most people would reply with WHAT?! and a confused look on their face. The girl attempted to understand but then obviously became immediately uninterested and went on being drunk with her friends.
It astounds me as to how many people who are part of the LGBTQIA spectrum don't necessarily understand what pansexuality is. Actually... it doesn't really astound me. But it would be super nice if people could be more understanding and open rather than constantly pushing others into little LGB boxes that everyone "understands."
Pansexual Definition: Pansexuals have the capability of attraction to others regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. A pansexual could be open to someone who is male, female, transgender, intersex, or agendered/genderqueer. (Thank you for your concise definition http://www.wipeouthomophobia.com/pansexuality.htm)
Oh yes, I have been attracted to people of all different sexual varieties. Surprising? I don't really think so. But some people (even of the LGBT community) think it is a joke. I had a friend who constantly made fun of the fact that I identified as pansexual and said, "no, you are just a straight girl who wants to be part of the LGBTQ community." WOW. Yeah, you got it right there, too bad you've found out the real me! Love to pretend I am attracted to more than just guys so that I get attention and weird looks when I describe pansexuality! (end extreme sarcasm)
Sadly, sometimes those comments really do get to me. I sometimes feel guilty that I have a boyfriend and identify as pansexual because it isn't AUTHENTIC enough for the LGBTQ community. Like, "oh, she tries, isn't that nice? But she is still straight in my mind because she has chosen to be with a man!" bleh, it makes my brain hurt. It is almost like perpetuating discrimination. LGBT is the new normal, but pansexuality is not a legitimate part of it.. it is still weird and weird = lesser than the LGBT identifiers.
Anywho, sorry for the pitiful tangent. To explain, Pansexuality is real and it is not a joke and it is not something to make fun of others about. I want others to be able to identify however they please without being bullied or made fun of. Pansexuals Unite!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Wanted: Female Mentors!
Continuing education and research... I think this topic is one of the most beneficial things an individual can do. It opens your mind and expands your knowledge and creates a rhetoric of tolerance and understanding. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to have a wonderful "mentor" to help in this field. My leadership professor from grad school agreed to be our mentor throughout our final capstone project. It just so happens that we've graduated, but the work and research have not stopped. I am so thankful for this time to be able to be able to delve into new ideas and formulate new theories with the collaboration of such intuitive people.
The research topic at hand is called "Generational Differences in the Nonprofit Sector." While meeting today with my team via Skype (I live and work in Arizona while they are back in Iowa), we had a diversion which happened to be not so off-topic, although it integrated an important factor into the setting- gender.
My colleague stated that she had been recognized as having a higher degree by her director and that he was reaching out and helping to support and simultaneously challenge her. He was providing her with training and conference outlets to better develop her as an employee, something any wonderful leader or mentor would do. The older ladies who manage my colleague got wind of this new information and quickly tried to shut it down. My colleague stated that she overheard an older female manager state, "I don't care what degree she has, she hasn't been working for us very long" referring to the fact that my colleague should not be promoted after working for the state for only three years.
WOW.
Then, to make matters much more intense, the female managers took it upon themselves to demote my colleague to a "smaller office with square-footage that befitted the current amount of her job duties."
Double WOW.
Is this how women are treating each other in the workforce? Does this workforce experience have to turn into a cat fight when women are being recognized and potentially promoted? And, nevertheless, the demotion and degradation was done BY a woman TO a woman. This is a pure example of how patriarchy has succeeded in brainwashing society. Women don't even want to see other women grow and achieve their goals. This is a sad day in the life of the professional female.
My professor even mentioned that she had recently read a research article that stated that minorities who are interviewing other minorities will be harder on them than interviewees of majority racial categories. Same concept with gender. It is almost the idea that "I worked hard to get into this position and I don't want anyone else to succeed in it." Or, "They better work harder than others because it was harder for me because I am a minority." Same applies for women.
I am appalled by the thought that women are not wanting to raise up other women, to mentor them and provide a path for future women to succeed in their sectors. Why is this such a problem? Have we been socialized to think this way? How do we break the cycle of sexism?!
First, we need women to stop acting like men. Yes, I said it. Stop acting like it is a competition, like this person who is given opportunities for advancement is out there to put you down. Rather, invest in them. Invest time understanding, being open, and learning what this other woman has to offer. Treat her as a colleague rather than the competitor.
After all, shouldn't women be encouraging their female colleagues to achieve their goals just as they themselves would want to? Shouldn't women be able to make a difference in any and every sector? Shouldn't women be able to climb the ladder of success without stigma? What we are seeing is the degradation of women because they are talented and achieving goals. This is completely the opposite of how men are treated.
It is about time that women learn to mentor women. Our futures depend on it. Start asking questions and start answering them as well. "How did you break through the glass walls and ceiling." "How can we collaborate to better benefit us as employees as well as our consumers." "What ways does gender affect our experiences?" "What resources helped you to become successful?"
And provide the helping hand. To anyone and everyone, regardless of background or identity.
People laugh, or worse, cringe, when I say I identify as a feminist. Guess what people, it would be a better world if everyone believed in equal opportunities as us feminists do. Start acting like women are a valuable part of the workforce, if you didn't have us you wouldn't have made it past the industrial revolution. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it is time you education yourself on women's contribution to the development of modern society.
And just to think, this is the 21st century... and we are still fighting for equal representation.
The research topic at hand is called "Generational Differences in the Nonprofit Sector." While meeting today with my team via Skype (I live and work in Arizona while they are back in Iowa), we had a diversion which happened to be not so off-topic, although it integrated an important factor into the setting- gender.
My colleague stated that she had been recognized as having a higher degree by her director and that he was reaching out and helping to support and simultaneously challenge her. He was providing her with training and conference outlets to better develop her as an employee, something any wonderful leader or mentor would do. The older ladies who manage my colleague got wind of this new information and quickly tried to shut it down. My colleague stated that she overheard an older female manager state, "I don't care what degree she has, she hasn't been working for us very long" referring to the fact that my colleague should not be promoted after working for the state for only three years.
WOW.
Then, to make matters much more intense, the female managers took it upon themselves to demote my colleague to a "smaller office with square-footage that befitted the current amount of her job duties."
Double WOW.
Is this how women are treating each other in the workforce? Does this workforce experience have to turn into a cat fight when women are being recognized and potentially promoted? And, nevertheless, the demotion and degradation was done BY a woman TO a woman. This is a pure example of how patriarchy has succeeded in brainwashing society. Women don't even want to see other women grow and achieve their goals. This is a sad day in the life of the professional female.
My professor even mentioned that she had recently read a research article that stated that minorities who are interviewing other minorities will be harder on them than interviewees of majority racial categories. Same concept with gender. It is almost the idea that "I worked hard to get into this position and I don't want anyone else to succeed in it." Or, "They better work harder than others because it was harder for me because I am a minority." Same applies for women.
I am appalled by the thought that women are not wanting to raise up other women, to mentor them and provide a path for future women to succeed in their sectors. Why is this such a problem? Have we been socialized to think this way? How do we break the cycle of sexism?!
First, we need women to stop acting like men. Yes, I said it. Stop acting like it is a competition, like this person who is given opportunities for advancement is out there to put you down. Rather, invest in them. Invest time understanding, being open, and learning what this other woman has to offer. Treat her as a colleague rather than the competitor.
After all, shouldn't women be encouraging their female colleagues to achieve their goals just as they themselves would want to? Shouldn't women be able to make a difference in any and every sector? Shouldn't women be able to climb the ladder of success without stigma? What we are seeing is the degradation of women because they are talented and achieving goals. This is completely the opposite of how men are treated.
It is about time that women learn to mentor women. Our futures depend on it. Start asking questions and start answering them as well. "How did you break through the glass walls and ceiling." "How can we collaborate to better benefit us as employees as well as our consumers." "What ways does gender affect our experiences?" "What resources helped you to become successful?"
And provide the helping hand. To anyone and everyone, regardless of background or identity.
People laugh, or worse, cringe, when I say I identify as a feminist. Guess what people, it would be a better world if everyone believed in equal opportunities as us feminists do. Start acting like women are a valuable part of the workforce, if you didn't have us you wouldn't have made it past the industrial revolution. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it is time you education yourself on women's contribution to the development of modern society.
And just to think, this is the 21st century... and we are still fighting for equal representation.
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